These are jokes. Some of them are old, and as such reflect the tone of the times. Some of them are new, and just as offensive. Unless it's spam, it stays. If you find certain comments or submissions here offensive, the best way to address it is with more speech.
NSFW Can your dick touch your asshole? One day, a young boy saw his grandpa smoking his cigarettes. The young boy asked, "Grandpa, can I smoke some of your cigarettes?
His grandpa replied, "Then you're not old enough. The next day, the boy saw his grandpa drinking beer. He asked, "Grandpa, can I drink some of your beer? The next day, the boy was eating cookies. His grandpa asked, "Can I have some of your cookies? Kinda like this old joke made into a video post on my local Reddit. I've seen people post that, but I've never actually understood what Reddit gold is, so yeah.
In eighth grade my class kept bugging our Latin teacher for a word bank and he always responded with "go fuck yourself". He also got into an argument with his dad about how he didn't do weed in college, but his roommates all did. He was pretty weird. Mine was like 70 and would start the class with a minute rant about the government and not wanting to get started to Vietnam or something.
My old latin teacher got mad at my class one day. She said she was going to go home, hang herself in her shower, and then come back to life just so that she could do it again. We were in the 7th grade. My class gave our Latin teacher so much shit that he left the school and went into the priesthood. Don't teach freshman high school students latin. My friend has one who travels the world and she is a world famous fencer. I guess they are awesome. My Latin teacher is an elderly grandma who explained some of the battles of Rome by having us throw markers at eachother.
Yup, cool people. Now when you say "Latin" do you mean they taught the subject known as Latin, or they were of Latin descent. As an Australian I have limited experience with either. Saying "Latin teacher" typically means someone who teaches the language, at least in America. I would personally use Hispanic rather than Latin to describe a person's ethnicity. Basically, we have a phrase which translates to "fuck someone's arse" which actually means to "make somebody's life difficult". So, in the Marathi version, the kid goes to his dad and asks his dad for a bike, where the dad asks if his dick reaches his arse, then the same thing for a car, and finally for separate residence.
Eventually, the kid proudly says that his dick does in fact reach his arse, whereupon the father says to him "mag swatahchi gaand maar na, majhi kashala maarto? Unfortunately, you'd only get why it's funnier in Marathi if you spoke the language, so probably I just wasted your time here. So many shitty jokes become legit funny in Marathi man.
I really can't explain why but I've laughed for hours at jokes that wouldn't have gotten the merest chuckle out of me if they were in English. It's something about the earthiness of the language. And some of those shitty forwards.. Even having the punchline in Marathi makes the jokes so much better, though, objectively, they're really shitty jokes. Maybe it's something to do with multilingualism?
A touching story - a butterfly asked a honeybee, "you work all day in the sun collecting honey, and then at the end of the day a man will come and take all of it. Why do you continue working hard for him? Another one: a son told his father, "dad, I want an Apple or a Blackberry for my birthday. Neither of these jokes are remotely funny but I laughed anyway. Fuck knows why. Either way, I've noticed it's a very common theme. Long English joke with the punchline in Marathi.
I'm ready to bet it's because of the twist, especially considering how extreme the twists generally are! It's hilarious for jokes. It's also awesome when spoken casually. When speaking formally though, it's quite Second what he says, it's an amazing language for just fucking around.
Down to earth as heck, and completely informal. When I was a younger my uncle taught me how to reply to "Go fuck yourself". You say: "I would, but when it's soft it don't reach, and when it's hard it don't bend".
That's what I thought. I always heard this as the boy asking for a scooter at 5, a bike at 10, then a car at 16 years old. IMO that works better because as the boy ages, it's realistic to think that he can actually touch it. This plus when the boy is old enough to ask for a down pa payment on a house or whatever, he finally says that YES his dicks CAN reach his ass, expecting to finally be given something that he asked for, and then is told to fuck himself.
I heard it as the kid asks for a car on his 16th birthday, then again asks for a car on his 18th birthday and then again on day he graduates high school. I've never tried This kid must be hung. What the fuck? Of course someone fucked themselves. Done with the internet. Time to go to bed. I prefer a version where the boy is finally old enough to say yes, and the grandpa tells him to fuck himself.
First, because it is hilarious that the grandpa sets up a one-liner years in advance; second, because that's a really odd thing to just say to a kid unless setting something up. Thought this was an askreddit thread. Came here to say yes, it is possible. I can do the tuck under and the wrap around the leg, but in my experience, the dick-over-the-shoulder is the most rewarding yet most difficult self-fucking form, commonly called The Continental Soldier.
This is one of my favorites. First heard this back in the sixth grade. Best joke ever at the time. Just to answer the question; yes. I'm also glad my grandpa just gave me sips of his Old Milwaukee's Best I'm sure I butchered the spelling on that.
I had a punk kid try to set me up with that the other day. I told him "no, but it can touch your Moms. I thought he was going to either cry or take a swing at me. No regrets, have an upvote!
My Latin teacher just wanted to be an art teacher, I can't tell you how many different shitty aqueducts and Julius Ceaser portraits I drew.
Coolest dude in the world though, I'll vouch for that. Designed and built a cabin with a ton of Roman features all by himself. Haha, I've been telling slightly different version of this one since I heard it some 20 years ago. Thought he came up with it.
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