The pleasure of oral sex is, for many people, one of the joys of being human. Might I remind you that the clitoris —the rosebud-like bump at the top of the vulva—is extraordinarily sensitive? Because not everything works the same way for every person with a vulva, my job can be rather difficult. So, to get some nitty gritty, down-to-earth assistance, I asked 15 people with vaginas for their best oral sex advice.
Of course these are the tips, tricks, and preferences of 15 specific people. And by the way, when you're figuring out how to make oral sex awesome, be sure to take into account the desires not only of the receiver, but of the giver.
Everyone involved deserves to have exactly the experience they want. This part of your body can feel especially intimate, so you have to feel safe with your partner s even in casual situations. Letting go of inhibitions and focusing on what feels good to you can bring you amazing pleasure. Laurel, 41, from Los Angeles says that the best oral sex of her life was with a man who made her feel like she could be completely present and laid bare—in the best way.
Warming up before any kind of sexual activity is a must for many people. Dating and sex advice often warn that without proper foreplay to get the vagina wet, penetration can be uncomfortable or painful. Foreplay before oral sex can also help establish the essential trust before an act that is extremely intimate for some people.
Not every person enjoys oral sex the same way. Remember, the clitoral network is complex. Some only want external clitoral stimulation, while others want a combination of external and internal stimulation. And some, of course, may want no external clitoral stimulation at all. It's about me receiving pleasure, not about him showing off what he thinks he knows from having been with other [partners].
We're all different, we vulva owners, so having a partner who knows how to listen to our bodily communication is key. There is no limit to the variations in what we enjoy. Melissa, 25, from Brooklyn says that you can often find a specific spot on the clitoris that will send your partner into another pleasure dimension. She explains that as a bisexual woman who both gives and receives oral sex, she has found this to be true time and again.
If you hit my 6 o'clock I will literally melt into a puddle of orgasms. For many people, going straight to licking or touching the clitoris can be overwhelming, and can even be a bit painful from the stimulation. Try kissing and nibbling the thighs. Try massaging the mons pubic with your palm. Run your tongue lightly along the labia. Lick all around the area before putting your tongue on clitoris.
Right before you move in for full-on oral, blow on the clitoris—it will light up nerve endings galore! After building someone up to all that amazing oral sex action, the clitoris is a great place to focus the attention. Britt, 27, from Chicago, is even more emphatic. And if something is getting a positive response, there is nothing wrong with sticking to it. Laura says this attention to detail is what led to one of her best oral sex experiences.
And when I finally did orgasm, it was a full-body experience. For some people, even a tongue can be overly stimulating. That means that you should not be biting or nipping a clitoris unless your partner has expressly requested that you do so.
The clitoris is so sensitive that the lightest of touches goes a long way. If your partner happens to be into clit biting, well, you might just get the green light to introduce your chompers!
But in short: Without a verbalized invitation, keep your teeth to yourself when it comes to oral. While consistency is a safe bet for newer partners, it can be super sexy to try new things together. Variety, after all, is the spice of life.
For example, Dana points to a time her partner tied her up and inserted a vibrator while he was simultaneously licking her clit. While the main focus should be the clitoris, some people with clits enjoy internal stimulation in tandem. Always ask. Variety comes in many different forms. While lying on your back is a glorious way to be served, there are lots of different positions you can try for variations on oral sex.
And if you or your partner have limited mobility, there are plenty of options to make oral sex work for you. Check out this guide for some specific ideas. Kayla suggests face-sitting. I love it! You can also try lying on your side, your partner astride for a sideways 69 position. Our cultural scripts about oral pleasure are often focused on the penis. Therefore, it is incredibly important that you make your partner feel sexy and wanted while assuring them of your own enjoyment. The ideal oral sex giver?
Gigi Engle is a certified sex coach, educator, and writer living in Chicago. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram. Try going slow. Get permission before biting. Gigi Engle is a feminist writer, certified sex coach, and sex educator. School, she teaches a variety of classes centered around pleasure, sexual health, and confidence. Gigi's work regularly appears in many publications including Brides, Marie Claire, Read more.
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